


It's Not a Romantic Metaphor

by AshtrayHeart



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Asphyxiation, Body Worship, Breathplay, Choking, Frottage, M/M, nsfw eruri week
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-08
Updated: 2015-11-08
Packaged: 2018-04-30 13:03:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5164853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshtrayHeart/pseuds/AshtrayHeart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I know, Levi. But you have to understand that this is not just about your trust in me, but also about the faith in myself. I have to trust myself that I can guarantee your well-being at any time and under all circumstances."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Not a Romantic Metaphor

**Author's Note:**

> For the Nsfw Eruri Week 2015 on Tumblr, Day 1: BDSM & Day 3: Body Worship.
> 
> This is my first (and probably last) eruri fic, and also the first time since 3 years that I'm writing fiction again, so don't expect too much. (I've never really been a writer anyway.) Usually I'm not a friend of the phrase "If you don't like it then do it yourself", but when I found that there is a lack of asphyxiation kink fics for eruri, I had to give it a chance.
> 
> This isn't exactly a BDSM fic since it's canonverse, and Erwin and Levi are not in a D/s relationship here, but breathplay falls into the edge play category of BDSM, so I decided to submit it for that prompt.
> 
>  
> 
> Special thanks to my fantastic beta-reader [Azri](http://archiveofourown.org/users/viciousvices/pseuds/viciousvices) and [Tiff ](http://archiveofourown.org/users/InstantPsycho/pseuds/InstantPsycho) who digged through some BDSM forums to help me with the research on this topic.

When he says that Erwin Smith makes his mind go dizzy and his body weightless like it's levitating, he's not talking about being on cloud nine. When he says that Erwin Smith takes his breath away, it's not a romantic metaphor. No, it's a strong grip around his neck, a palm pressing into his throat, cutting off blood and oxygen. A wicked and deadly game, and yet it makes him feel more alive than anything else. However, awareness of this hazardous desire crept into Levi's mind just slowly, his subconscious dropping hints in small pieces for him to put together.

* * *

The first time, Levi had Erwin's cock deep down his throat. With his head hanging off the bed, Levi was taking him up to the hilt, lips spreading wide around his girth, nose nestled to Erwin's balls, and tickled by wiry golden hair, making it hard to breathe.

That night, Erwin went a little harder with him, fucking Levi's face merciless until his thrusts grew erratic. When Erwin came, Levi held on to his thighs, fingers digging into skin and strong muscle while he buried his face into Erwin's groin, choking himself on that thick cock. Hot come spilled down his throat and he kept swallowing and swallowing; he didn't let go until he milked the last drop from him.

Levi's mind had gone dizzy a long time ago, not just from the lack of oxygen, but also from the taste of sweat and cum and the heavy, musky scent of sex lingering in the air. It only took a particular twist of Erwin's hand to bring Levi back to his senses and make him climax, too. He never felt so aware of the waves of pleasure radiating from his crotch and tingling through his whole body before. Levi was pretty sure that he just experienced his first full-body orgasm.

-

The second time, Erwin had him bend over the armrest of the couch in his office while thrusting into him from behind. Levi tried his best to muffle all the little sobs, whimpers, and soft moans in the seat cushions. The red velvet was already damp from his saliva. After all, there were soldiers still striding up and down the hallways outside, but this day, Erwin seemed to be particularly lewd and carried away to care about the circumstances.

"Come on, let me hear your pretty voice," He groaned as he grabbed Levi by the collar of his uniform shirt and yanked his body up, unaware that he also caught his cravat.

A strangled gasp was all that broke the silence. The knot of his cravat dug sharply into Levi's throat, forcing the air out of his lungs. The sudden loss of breath was enough to send him over the edge though he had been pretty sure that he was going to last at least one or two more minutes. Levi's mouth fell open and he gasped for the little bit of oxygen that he was still able to drag into his lungs, despite the restriction around his neck. His sight grew hazy from the tears that welled in the corner of his eyes and soon coated his whole retina. Yet, he felt no fear like he would under other circumstances when someone was trying to choke him. Instead, arousal washed through his whole body and made him feel so alive. All the while Erwin pounded him through his orgasm, still pulling him up like he was holding the reins of a horse.

Later, after they got dressed Erwin dismissed Levi to his daily duties. "Don't tie it too tight," Was his last order before his Captain left the office, adjusting his cravat to hide the bruises that already started to bloom on his neck like red and purple flowers.

-

The third time, they weren't even fucking. It was during combat training when they were sparring together. They were pretty much on par, fighting for more than ten minutes already, but somehow Erwin had managed to wrestle Levi down, shoving him face first into the ground. He yanked his head up and wrapped his arm around Levi's neck. It would have been quite easy for Levi to escape his chokehold though, but his mind was distracted. Instead he focused on his surroundings; the earth, dry in his lungs and sticking to his sweaty skin; the heat radiating from both their bodies; the heavy weight of Erwin above him, his heaving chest pressing into his back with every breath he took; Erwin's low grunts, the hot puffs of air that brushed the shell of his ear, and the smell of sweat. All of that left Levi straining rock hard in his pants. However, after these few seconds of clarity he became giddy and slumped down in Erwin's hold. Erwin quit their match, laughing that Levi didn't seem in the mood to fight back that day. Embarrassed by his traitorous body, Levi jerked off in the showers later, remembering the intoxicating scent of sweat and dust and the heavy weight of Erwin's arm around his neck that got his blood hot and rushing that set his senses on fire.

-

After that day, Levi caught himself thinking about Erwin's hands on his neck every so often; sometimes fingers soft like feathers on his skin, other times a strong vice-like grip around his throat. When he joined Erwin in his office to write reports or consolation letters, it didn't take much time until he got distracted. Mesmerized, he watched the movements of a steady hand, no hesitance just thoughtful pauses between paragraphs. Time and numerous battles have left marks on Erwin's body, his hands were no exception. Calluses were visible on each joint of his index and middle finger where he would hold the handles of the 3DMG, and the skin on his knuckles was dry, whitened, even chapped on a few places. Sometimes, when the Commander brushed his bottom lip with a thumb, Levi noticed that the fingernail was uneven and shorter than the others. Erwin must have bitten them earlier. If Levi looked close enough, he could even see the faint sheen of fine, blond hair on the first phalanx of Erwin's fingers, and once again images of Erwin's hand around his throat clouded Levi's mind. But he didn't give much weight to these fantasies, dispelling them with a shake of his head.

-

Erwin, however, was clueless about Levi's newly found desire until it spilled from his lips one night as Erwin shoved his face into the mattress with a bruising grip around the nape of Levi's neck.

"Fuck! Choke me, Erwin!" He gasped out loud.

But Erwin was already carried away by his orgasm, drunk on ecstasy, so he didn't register the meaning of Levi's words at that moment.

Afterwards, they lay in bed together, on their sides, facing each other. Levi's forehead rested against Erwin's chest and the soft rhythmical strokes of Erwin' hands on his back almost lulled him into sleep. However, he jolted up when Erwin suddenly spoke, his tone almost amused.

"Did you really ask me to choke you?"

"What? I-... It wasn't-... You... Yes." Levi was stuttering, grasping for the right words until he came to the decision that a brief confirmation was the best answer. "It's stupid isn't it? It's not like I'm having a death wish..." He murmured, cheeks burning in embarrassment.

Even Levi himself couldn't tell why he was suddenly so much into this idea. Was he just seeking for a thrill? Did he wish to be dominated?

"Your self-punishing days were a long time ago, Levi. I don't know where this wish is coming from, but I'm willing to figure it out with you if you allow me. So no, I don't think your desire to be choked is suicidal, but it's a risk nonetheless," Erwin mused.

Levi hummed in agreement and snuggled closer to Erwin, but he didn't feel like talking any further about this.

None of them brought up this topic again for the next few days and weeks.

* * *

It's a chilly September night, and the moonlight covers the world in all hues of blue; the warm orange shine from the candle on Erwin's nightstand, a lovely contrast. Levi is on all fours on the bed, three thick fingers pressing slowly into him, stretching him as Erwin drowns in the view of the body beneath him. Strong muscles ripple beautifully under fair skin with each shiver that is caused by nimble fingers. It's proof of his strength, but a vulnerability lies below, a vulnerability that would unfold for Erwin's eyes only. Erwin's left hand drifts up to the small of Levi's back, admiringly following the smooth movements of latissimus and trapezius until it stops on his shoulder, index and middle finger gently brushing the side of his neck. Tentatively, Erwin wraps his hand around Levi's throat, only to retreat it a moment later, the fingers of his other hand following and leaving Levi empty and twitching.

"Turn around, Levi."

Levi obeys without a second thought, rolls over on his back, his straining cock flapping against his stomach and he waits for Erwin's next move.

"I am ready to take the next step," Erwin says slowly, but resolutely.

Levi raises his brows in surprise, lips forming a small ' _oh_ ' that turned into the faintest hint of a smile.

Erwin snatches a tissue from the nightstand to wipe his wet fingers clean. He had been observing Levi closely all day long. Actually, he had planned this a week ahead, when he'd known that they both would be free this evening. So he has been watching Levi today, checking to see if he was skipping breakfast or dinner, or if he wasn't overworking himself in training. He even had prompted Levi to visit the medical officer for a complete check-up the other day. When he was certain that Levi was in the best of health, Erwin started to prepare himself mentally for that night. Now he's recalling all information he's been collecting in the past weeks another time.

* * *

 

In a first little experiment, Erwin wanted to test how long Levi could hold his breath. One late evening, he ran a bath for Levi because he has taken his training too seriously once again. He would never complain about sore muscles, mind you. But Erwin could exactly tell when he was suffering from the stiffness in his muscles, because Levi would keep hissing under his breath during his cleaning spree whenever he had to stretch to reach higher places, so it had become a ritual of theirs that Erwin would prepare a bath for him and spoil him a little. That night wasn't any different. Levi lay in the wooden bathtub, totally relaxed and pliant after Erwin had washed his hair and gently scrubbed his whole body, and gave his shoulders, feet, and thighs a good, firm massage.

"What?" Levi growled as he caught Erwin staring at him.

"Say Levi, how long can you hold your breath underwater?"

"Huh? What are you talking about, Erwin?" Levi blinked, confused.

"Did you never count how long you can stay underwater?"

"No…"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Erwin asked curiously and flashed him a mischievous smile. "It's a game I used to play when I was a child."

Reluctantly, Levi decided to play along. "Fine," He accepted, and took a deep breath before he slid down and disappeared in the tub.

The room went silent for a while. Erwin counted the seconds in mind as he watched Levi who lay still underwater. He looked so peacefully, Erwin thought to himself. Then he saw bubble ascending because Levi was exhaling through his nose, and a moment later he rose too.

"And?" He looked gloomy at Erwin while he was heaving heavily.

"48 seconds."

"Fine."

"I think you can do better."

Levi rolled his eyes. "Seriously, Erwin?" But he submerged again anyway.

This time Levi counted along himself. After 30 seconds his lungs started to ache already. After 40 seconds he started to struggle with himself, but he was determined to prove Erwin wrong. However, he lost track of time when he got too busy with saving the last bit of air and not letting it escape through his nose again. When it became too much he jolted up.

"52 seconds, I knew it, Levi!" Erwin cheered. "Third round?"

"Ok, but that's the last time," Levi sighed and disappeared again. This time, he lasted only 26 seconds.

"Again," Erwin ordered immediately.

"What the hell, Erwin? Seriously, what are you up to?" Levi spit, utterly annoyed by now.

"Making observations," He simply replied.

"For what?" Levi panted.

"I need to know how long you can go without any oxygen if we want to try this breath control… thing." Erwin admitted when he couldn't hide the truth from Levi anymore.

"Oh." Levi fell silent, darting a guilty glance at Erwin.

"I've done some research the past days. I read reports about soldiers suffocating during training because they entangled themselves in the 3DMG. Most of them died within approximately 30 seconds. So I decided I'm going to use my bare hands when I will… choke you."

Levi listened closely to Erwin's explanations, nodding here and there.

"There is a lot to consider. I couldn't forgive myself if I'd harm you in any way," Bitterness resonated in Erwin's voice.

Levi reached out to cup Erwin's face with his right hand. "But I trust you," He whispered softly.

Erwin took Levi's hand into his own, pressing a kiss to its palm. "I know, Levi. But you have to understand that this is not just about your trust in me, but also about the faith in myself. I have to trust myself that I can guarantee your well-being at any time and under all circumstances."

Levi dropped his gaze. He understood. Erwin pulled him into his embrace, murmuring promises into his ear, promised that he will grant him his wish, but under his conditions. He wanted to take it slow. He needed time. There was so much to consider, but he promised.

-

Three more weeks passed until Erwin found time for further research. One Monday afternoon, he went to Hanji, pretending he wanted to learn more about titan's anatomy with focus on their weak spot in the nape of the neck. Of course Hanji was totally excited that someone would finally hear their theories, voluntarily even! But Erwin would be lying if he said he was listening all the time. Actually, he was only really paying attention when Hanji started talking about the neck of titans. As soon as they mentioned humans in comparison Erwin guided the conversation into that direction. In this context he also brought up the death of soldiers through strangulation. Hanji taught him that a snapped neck isn't the only danger. The two carotid arteries on both sides of the neck are also weak spots since they're responsible for the oxygen supply of the brain. If they're clamped for too long, the brain would take damage from hypoxia, cardiac arrhythmia might occur, and death would ensue eventually. Hanji even explained the difference between suffocation and strangulation.

"So if you wanted to smother me because I talked for too long you should make sure to just choke me with your bare hands instead of pushing a pillow into my face at night, saves you some time," They quipped, totally unaware that they had just given Erwin some really useful information.

Quickly, he excused himself saying he lost track of time and had to head to an important meeting.

-

That night Erwin made Levi straddle his thigh, his back pressed to Erwin's chest. ' _I want to try something_ ', he had whispered, nipping gently at the shell of Levi's ear. He informed him about everything that Hanji had explained to him earlier while he undressed Levi. He told him that he's going to cover his mouth and nose with his hand to prevent him from breathing, taking the safer route first. When Levi agreed to it, Erwin started jerking him off on his lap. Occasionally he smothered him with a hand on his mouth, counting the seconds in his mind, and it sharpened Levi's senses each time. After Levi has come all over his hands and his own stomach Erwin asked him about how he felt. Levi assured him that it was a good experience, but also admitted that he'd prefer a more physical way. He wanted Erwin's hands around his throat. However, Erwin uttered that he still felt hesitant about making the next step. In turn Levi promised that he won't pressure him, he would wait until he was ready.

* * *

 

And now they are here, Levi lies below him, excited and expectant. But Erwin doesn't know how to tackle this situation, doesn't know where to start. For once, he has no plan.

Levi senses his insecurity, so he takes it upon himself to make the first step. He reaches for Erwin's right hand, pulling it close to his mouth. His lips are warm and lush under Erwin's fingers, still swollen from hungry sucking and biting earlier. Levi closes his eyes as he presses soft kisses to each of Erwin's fingertips before he drags his hand further down, and places it on top of his slender throat.

"Here."

When Levi opens his eyes again, he finds Erwin staring at him. And though his eyes aren't moving, he can tell that Erwin is searching for something in his eyes. Insecurity. Hesitance. Fear. But Levi holds his gaze. There is a passion burning in his eyes, a desire telling Erwin that this is what he wants. It never has been Levi who needed to be convinced of this idea in the first place, but Erwin himself. Levi trusts him, and always has. However, he secretly checks how Erwin is feeling in that moment. His hand still lies on top of Erwin's, and with his thumb he's searching for his pulse, pausing when he finds it. The rate is just slightly increased, but steady.

"You have to promise me one thing before we start, Levi. I want to explore _this_ with you, test the limits together. Don't make any weird gurgling noises. Do not fight back to put on a show. Don't kick me or struggle like you were fighting for your life if you don't mean it," Erwin insists.

"I won't," Levi replies. Honest. Determined. Confident.

"Remember to tap out like in combat training whenever you need to breathe, and I will stop. If you tap the bed, I will stop. If you tap my leg, I will stop. If you want to keep holding my hand, I think a little squeezing and scratching is fine. But let me know if it becomes too much."

"I will," Levi vows.

"Are you ready?" Erwin asks while he starts to rub Levi's Adam's apple with a thumb, feeling it bob when he whispers a ' _yes_ '.

First he explores the territory. Gently, light as feathers he strokes the sides of Levi's neck, sliding down to trace his collarbones, sending shivers through the man's body. But eventually Erwin places his hand on Levi's throat, fingers and thumb spreading wide on either sides of his neck, testing his span. Like this, Erwin can reach more than halfway around it. He feels Levi's pulse hammering fast against his fingers, like a little, steady drum. Bit by bit he increases the pressure evenly on Levi's throat. The cartilage of the larynx is soft under his palm, fitting perfectly against it. Levi's chest still expands evenly, pressure light enough to let him breathe. Erwin wants to take it slow, after all. Levi deserves all the time he needs to get accustomed to the restriction of his breathing. They both do.

"Is that ok for you?" He wants to know.

"Yes", Levi confirms. "You can go harder."

"Like this?" Erwin asks, squeezing a little more than he did before.

"More..." Levi moans; his voice strained. "Press har-" The last syllable dies on his tongue as Erwin squeezes hard enough to make him choke on his words.

"Ah, like this," Erwin muses and memorizes the exact amount of pressure before he let go of Levi's neck.

"Please, I want more," Levi begs, writhing below, reaching for Erwin and catches his wrist to pull him back.

"Aren't you a little greedy, boy?" Erwin replies cocky, but lays his hand around Levi's neck anyway, and leans in closely.

He doesn't press hard enough to take Levi's breath away, but the kiss that seals their lips surely does. When Erwin's grip tightens, Levi's mouth is forced open, his tongue darting out involuntarily. Erwin flicks against it with his own before he deepens the kiss. He slips his tongue inside Levi's mouth, licking broad flat strokes against his tongue. Erwin's tongue slides deeper, so deep that Levi feels suffocated, so deep that Levi is surprised Erwin hasn't tickled his uvula yet. He'd always thought that kisses that felt like someone was trying to take his tonsils out were the worst, but somehow Erwin managed to make it feel... _good_. He actually enjoys having Erwin's tongue far down his mouth, close to the point of choking, but never crossing that line. Levi exhales heavily through his nose.

Finally Erwin pulls away and sits back on his legs to let him breathe. He glances at Levi's neglected cock, its red flush a stark contrast to his milky skin. Precum leaks out of the slit and has smears across his stomach.

"Do you want me to touch you, Levi?" He asks; the baritone of his voice gives Levi goosebumps that run down from the nape his neck till the end of his spine.

As Levi opens his mouth to answer, Erwin's grip on his throat tightens.

"You don't need any words, darling," He purrs low, and relaxes his fingers.

Levi nods; a silent agreement. Gently, Erwin cups Levi's cock, circles its tip with the thumb of his left hand and rubbing the frenulum tenderly. More beads of precum trickle down the head, but Erwin catches them before they can drop on Levi's stomach again, and spreads the sticky pearls between his fingertips. He raises his hand to his lips, making a show out of licking his fingers clean before he curls them around Levi's shaft.

"I'm going to take good care of you. I'd say I'll make you feel so good that I have you begging for my cock and screaming my name, but I think screaming is a little difficult tonight," Erwin teases, and gives Levi's dick a little squeeze that has him bite his bottom lip.

However, his own words make his chest ache because Erwin loves nothing more than hearing Levi's voice in these moments. While he was often quiet in the beginning, he'd grow more vocal under Erwin's ministrations. Soft sighs and breathy ' _fuck_ 's' would turn into low moans and whimpers until he was nothing more than a sobbing mess, pleas and Erwin's name spilling from his lips. Oh yes, he loves coaxing these sweet melodies from his Captain, the loveliest symphony in his ears.

In this moment Levi wishes he was able to read Erwin's mind. Erwin is lost in his own thoughts, eyes unfocused, the corner of his mouth is twitching involuntarily and his smile is just on the brink of creepiness. To bring him back to the here and now, Levi wriggles his hips and Erwin snaps out of his trail of thoughts. With his right hand he cups Levi's face, thumb stroking along the lines of his cheekbones.

"You're doing fine, my love," He says softly and letting his hand wander down to claim its place on Levi's throat again. "Are you ready to continue?"

Levi just nods slowly, but then he speaks. "What about you, Erwin? You zoned out for a moment…"

"Ah. You're right, that was a mistake. I can't allow myself to become unfocused in a moment like this. I apologize," Erwin chides himself. "I am glad that you are so attentive, Levi, always keeping an eye on me."

"We can stop here if it makes you uncomfortable..." Levi suggests hesitantly, remembering that time Erwin told him about the trust in himself. "…if you think you can't handle this."

"No, it's not that. I was just thinking about the downside of this… Game." In his mind Erwin remarks that ' _game_ ' may be the wrong word for what they're doing.

"And that would be what…?"

"Restraining your voice. You know how much I love to hear you, hear your moans and begging and-"

"Yeah, I know you love to make me feel embarrassed," Levi interrupts him.

"But tonight I won't hear you sing for me, my dove."

"Erwin, we really can stop this," Levi repeats his offer.

"No, I'm fine," He turns him down. "And I'd be lying if I said you're entirely silent. I just have to listen more carefully. Then, I can still hear your breathing as long as I am allowing it. I can hear the rustling of the sheets when you're twisting your fists into the fabric, because the burning stretch of your hole around my cock is so delicious. I can hear the bed creaking when you're arching off the mattress, because I'm hitting your prostate again and again, until you feel raw and thoroughly fucked. And there's so much more to you than just your voice, Levi. I can taste you," With these words Erwin bends over to kiss Levi again, brushes his tongue over his bottom lip and sucking it into his mouth. When he releases Levi from their kiss, Erwin licks his lips like he just tasted the finest ambrosia. Although his taste is darker if Erwin was honest, as bitter as the black tea Levi loves to drink.

"I can see you," He hums. "The bruises from three days ago haven't completely faded yet," He comments and presses a thumb into one of the little magenta love bites on the inside of Levi's thighs.

His eyes run higher, fingers following and twirling into the ebony curls around Levi's cock and they find the little splotch where no hair is growing because a thin scar is running across his lower belly, parting his happy trail. Erwin slides his hands up higher, seeking and finding more familiar scars. He tells Levi how he got them. He remembers all of them. They reminisce together. Little accidents during 3DMG training here. Combat training that got a little out of hand there. Of course Erwin doesn't forget. He also doesn't forget to marvel at the beauty of his skin, comparing it to cracked porcelain and marble, and mentions how the sweat makes it shining in the candlelight. Levi feels the flush spreading over his whole face, down his neck. Heat is rising. His ears are burning.

"I love seeing a blush painting your skin like this," Erwin teases and takes Levi's face into his hands. "It reminds me of the early mornings when the sun is just starting to rise. It reminds me of the tulip fields I've seen when I was young, when I was visiting my grandparents." His words only fuel Levi's embarrassment and he fights the urge to hide his face behind his hands.

"Look, it's even spreading down your chest now," Erwin chuckles, almost innocently like a child and Levi can't be really mad with him.

"But my favorite thing is still your eyes. The gray of rainclouds has never been prettier. I love it when you smile. It makes your wrinkles crinkle. I know you're smiling more often than others would think. You're trying to hide it behind pinched lips, but I can see it in your eyes. I love it when I fuck you and you're making the most beautiful expressions. You knit your brows when you're trying to suppress a moan, but they relax and rise high when you're letting go eventually."

Erwin stoops to press a kiss on Levi's forehead, feeling how the scowl is slowly fading away under his lips, and when he sits back on his heels Levi's gaze is all soft and pliant.

"And I surely can feel you," Erwin continues, and lets his fingers wander all over Levi's body, starting at his knees that rest against his sides.

Levi can feel Erwin's touch ghosting over his skin; his hands wandering up his thighs, fingers circling the base of his cock just briefly before they continue their journey. Knuckles are brushing up and down his sides, just on the brink of being ticklish, but making him shiver all over anyway until broad palms slide up from his stomach to his chest, giving his pecs a firm squeeze. Thumbs are flicking against his nipples and when nails scratch over the sensitive buds, Levi arches off the bed, up into the touch and they hear the bedsprings creak.

Erwin's lips curl into a smile that says _'told you so_ '. He makes him arch again with another pinch to his nipples.

"Er-win..." A raspy moan slips from Levi's tongue, followed by low whines that turn into a soft melody.

Everything becomes too much, but at the same time he's craving more. A second later Levi feels Erwin's soothing fingertips caressing his collarbones and dipping into the hollow in between; a low hush makes him go silent again. By now Levi is rutting desperately against Erwin's hard abs, seeking every bit of fraction because the weight of his own heavy cock is driving him mad. But Erwin does nothing to bring him closer to release. Instead he lets his eyes wander, and takes his hands on another trip over the landscapes of Levi's body.

Levi's heart swells, aches with fondness and affection for that man. He feels loved. He feels cherished. He matters. This man cares so much for him. This man slowly taught him how to take instead of always giving, and that he deserves all the kindness he has to offer. Erwin is fucking worshipping him like the Wall Cult worships Rose and Sina and it destroys him like Maria.

"You are so beautiful, Levi." Tenderly, Erwin brushes away the strands sticking to Levi's forehead, his hair moist under his fingertips.

"Are you ready again now?" Levi asks him coyly.

Erwin nods. "I am."

His hand finds Levi's neck again, the other one is wrapping around both their cocks, almost swallowing them completely, and Levi reaches down to find Erwin's hand and fill the space that he couldn't reach. Together they start stroking themselves and each other, and Erwin shifts, aligns their bodies for better leverage. Sweat and precum is mixing soon, making it easier to glide up and down their shafts. They're picking up speed; hands are working faster, hips moving together rhythmically. And finally, finally Levi feels the weight of Erwin's hand on the column of his throat increasing. He's opening his mouth, dragging thin air into his lungs before it's all gone and Levi lets go. The blood rushing in his ears is drowning out the slick sounds of skin rubbing against skin and Erwin's low groans. The hand that was resting on Erwin's wrist falls heavily onto the mattress and next to his thigh. His other hand is moving on its own account, guided by Erwin's, and then Erwin's thumb is digging into his slit, fingernail scratching the sensitive skin of his cock. The light pain takes him by surprise; he's choking on a moan. Levi taps out, giving Erwin's thigh a firm smack. Immediately Erwin loosens his grip, and raises both hands next to his face in an apologetic gesture.

"Fuck!" Levi gasps, jolts up, greedily sucking the air into his lungs.

"Is everything alright?" Erwin asks worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I- I just... fuck, I didn't expect that," Levi admits. "I was gone for a moment and stopped thinking."

Erwin visibly relaxes. "I think I should give you a warning, telling you what I am about to do the next time," He suggests.

"I guess that's a good idea," Levi agrees.

"Alright, let's make you comfortable."

Erwin slides his hands under Levi's legs, hoisting his hips up until he's seated perfectly in Erwin's lap. Next he reached for the vial of oil on the nightstand to coat the length of his cock that's still glistening from their mixed precum. His slick fingers slip between Levi's buttcheeks just to find him still nice and open and twitching at the lightest touch at his rim. A smug grin on his face, Erwin wipes his fingers clean again.

With a thumb on his shaft Erwin guides his cock to Levi's entrance, nudging it gently. His right hand curls around Levi's neck once again.

"Take a deep breath, Levi," He commands.

When Levi's chest rises Erwin presses in, the head of his cock breaches the ring of muscle with nearly no resistance. Immediately Levi starts to clench around him like he's trying to suck him in deeper and deeper, and Erwin obliges. With every inch that he makes Levi feels Erwin's fingers restrict more and more around his neck. One, two, three, and the air is gone. Levi can't tell what burn is more agonizing, more delicious, his quivering hole around the thick girth of Erwin's cock or his aching lungs. Both sensations mingle together perfectly. It feels amazing. Four, five six, and Erwin bottoms out. At the same moment he loosens his grip, watches Levi's reaction curiously.

"How was it?"

"Shit, do that again," Levi pants, blinking like he's just been roused out of a daydream.

So Erwin pulls out almost completely before he pushes back in, repeating his movements, again and again. It becomes slower and more agonizing with every time, and seconds seem to stretch into eternities. But Levi doesn't want to end it anyway. Little does he know that Erwin is counting till ten each time. Levi's lungs are aching, screaming in protest, and tears are welling at the corner of his eyes, blurring the colors around him. After the fourth time Erwin stills. He lets his gaze wander over his lover's body.

"You make me see the morning sky and tulip fields again," He whispers, voice all syrupy.

His hand wanders down, resting on Levi's chest now. He can feel his heartbeat fast and strong and steady, the little drum hammering against his ribcage. It's a sign that he's fine, he's alive.

Levi's eyes never leave Erwin's face. His expression has softened. He still looks focused and concentrated, but not strained anymore. He's getting into this, finding into his role like fitting into a new pair of shoes the longer he wears them. However, for the next few minutes he doesn't dare to choke Levi again, giving him time to recover. They're just fucking leisurely. Their bodies work together like a clockwork. Each time Erwin pushes in, Levi's hips roll up until his ass is flush against Erwin's groin before they both pull away again. All the while, Erwin's hand is resting on Levi's neck like a silent warning.

"I'm going faster," Erwin informs Levi, squeezing his throat again at the same time as he quickens his motions.

"Do you want me to fuck you harder, Levi?"

A strangled moan escapes Levi's mouth, and Erwin's thrusts become more powerful, shoving Levi deeper into the cushions below.

"And do you want me to choke you harder?"

Levi gives Erwin's wrist an affirmative squeeze, so Erwin leans in, shifting a small amount of his weight carefully onto Levi's neck. He's fucking him harder, deeper. Levi's hole already feels a little sore. He's being pounded into frenzy, and he nearly forgets how to breathe. He wants to indulge fully in this ecstasy. When his eyes falls shut and his head lolls to the side, Erwin releases him from his grip.

"Are you with me, Levi?" He asks loudly and snaps his fingers, once, twice right next to Levi's face, checking if he lost consciousness.

Levi head follows the noise, eyes wide open, a deep red flush painting his face, neck and chest.

"I'm just trying to enjoy the moment," He apologizes, heaving heavily, crimson fading back to pink.

"Are you close? Because I surely am," Erwin groans.

It's only now that Levi notices how the heat pools in his lower belly, guts twisting, and his nerves are tingling with arousal, already starting to ignite small fireworks. "Yes," He breathes.

"One more time."

Levi closes his eyes when Erwin starts to move again, lets his head fall back, baring his throat, pressing it up against Erwin's touch. Erwin squeezes harder, takes his breath away completely, and holds the pressure. Everything goes white. Levi hears the blood rushing in his ears, and then it stops.

Silence.

He's weightless, stripped of each and every burden. Every painful memory and torturing thoughts are fading into oblivion. He's free. Levi isn't a believer, but in this moment he thinks that this is how people imagine heaven. And in this moment he understands them, understands the appeal of this concept. He loses himself in this state of freedom, loses track of time. But Erwin doesn't, always counting. Levi isn't falling anymore, but Erwin is there to catch him anyway. He is his hold; the safe haven he returns to after each mission. He is his light when the world is covered in red and black. He is his hope, his love, his life, his everything. Levi can hear him in the distance, voice nearly drowned out by the loud screams of the silence. Erwin's here to take him back, and he's the only one that Levi would leave this place for. His voice is getting louder, clearer, cutting through the thick haze of his mind.

"Breathe, Levi." The collar that is Erwin's fingers loosens slowly.

Levi feels like he's ascending, rising higher and higher. He hears the rush of his blood again, rough like the sea. The white is fading, colors coming back into his vision, just to blur again a second later.

"Breathe for me, darling." Erwin's hand leaves Levi's neck, gripping his hips now as he's thrusting frantically into him.

It feels like rebirth. Levi breaches the surface of an invisible ocean and breathes in. With the second breath and a particular delicious brush of Erwin's cock against his prostate Levi comes crying. His whole body goes rigid for a split second only to clench and unclench in pulsing waves the moment after. His fingers and toes curl into the sheets to the point of cramping. Cum spills like strings of pearls across his stomach and up to his chest. Ragged moans and sobs are slipping from his tongue. Tears are running down his face. It's the most debauched Erwin has ever seen him. But it's also the most beautiful Erwin has ever seen him, and Erwin dies, metaphorically. And he dies a second time as he comes a moment later, burying himself deep into Levi's tight heat, holding him still with a brutal grip on his hips, his cock throbbing with every gush of cum that it releases.

When Erwin comes down from his orgasm Levi is still crying. He's not sobbing, the tears just fall silently, but he can't make it stop. He isn't hurt, and it surely didn't feel bad. No, he's just overwhelmed by his own release; not just the physical one, but also the mental release. The air he's breathing now is a completely different one. Erwin bends down to cup his face with both hands, pressing their foreheads together.

"Shh, darling, I'm here. Focus on my voice. Can you do that for me, Levi? Are you alright?"

Levi flings his arms around Erwin's neck; he sobs a broken _'yes, yes, yes_ ' into his ear. The familiar weight and warmth of his body is calming him down eventually. They stay like this for a minute, bodies intertwined until Levi becomes too oversensitive; his hole aching though Erwin's cock already went soft, so Erwin pulls out. He watches how Levis skin regains its pale color; just his cheeks are graced by a soft rose.

"Did you faint earlier?" Erwin inquires.

"No, I didn't. But I'd say I was in a different state of consciousness. Don't worry, Erwin, you did nothing wrong. You were so good to me," His voice still more a wheezing than anything else. Levi props himself up on his forearms.

"No, you stay down," Erwin orders strictly, and Levi sinks back into the mattress.

He watches Erwin getting up and walking into the bathroom to fetch a few things. He comes back with a towel thrown over his shoulder and a glass of water. On his way he opens the window across from the bed to let fresh air into the stuffy room. The mattress sinks down under Erwin's weight as he sits next to Levi and passes him the glass. Levi takes a sip, carefully. The water burns in his abused throat, but it's a good soothing pain. After he took a few more sips he hands the glass to Erwin who's placing it on the nightstand. Then he crawls back into the bed, dragging Levi's legs over his thighs again to tidy up the mess they made. He starts with wiping the cum stains off of Levi's stomach before he pulls him higher into his lap to continue with his ass.

"I would love to lick you clean," Erwin teases. "But I think that would be too much for one night."

"You're hopeless, Smith," Levi snorts and shakes his head.

The vibration pushes a small gush of cum out of his ass that Erwin wipes off immediately.

"So how was it?" He is ready to interrogate Levi about his experience of what just had happened.

"God, Erwin, you know I'm shit with words. It really was _something_ ," Levi scowls and already feels sorry when he sees Erwin's sulky expression. "Would it be enough to say it felt like you gave my life a meaning for the second time?" He added reluctantly, embarrassed by his own choice of words.

Erwin's hums low as he smiles to himself, he won't press further. "Yes that would be sufficient."

Erwin looks down on Levi whose neck is already graced by a collar of magenta bruises. Erwin's glance wanders higher, their eyes lock, and his gaze is full of love and fondness. Only this man was able to deprive and liberate him at the same time, Levi thinks to himself. Erwin's hand rests on his chest again. He can feel Levi's heart beating below his fingers.

Fast.

Strong.

Steady.

He is fine.

He is alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos and comments, I really appreciate it!


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